By Bridget Woodbury
We are living in a time where trust is hard to come by. As ‘differences of opinion’ become increasingly more personal — and political disagreements can feel like a threat to one’s personhood — it can feel exhausting and even painful to try to find common ground, let alone safety with folks that have a different worldview. In a world as scary as that, how do we go so far as to trust someone in the long term?
I feel privileged to work everyday with people I trust and my trust for them is borne out of how they behave when things don’t go to plan. It’s easy to keep it copacetic when it’s smooth sailing, but when things fall apart, certain qualities make relationships feel safer and stronger. For me these are those qualities:
Honesty
I value straightforward and transparent communication and I try to model that. The collaborators I trust the most are the ones that mirror that back to me. It is easier to feel comfortable with someone that allows you to own your mistakes and owns theirs. For example: if I am having trouble completing a publication because my disk space is full, I value being able to say that, resolve the problem, and provide a new deadline — instead of staying up all night and pretending to be a well-oiled machine.
Consistency
People, in general, are most comfortable in predictable situations. Being able to predict how someone will react to a mistake is essential in fostering a space where people feel trusted and can trust in return. Think: the difference between knowing exactly what the process is for taking time away from your desk instead of worrying about whether someone will be mad about your doctor’s appointment.
Empathy
Compassion is a central tenet for me. Centering the humanity of the people you are collaborating with is essential to a trusting and safe relationship. This came up a lot for many of us this year when there was a profound shortage of ADHD medication: I personally had to hew a little more closely to my natural working rhythm instead of the 9-5 schedule. Having colleagues that take time to understand and respect those challenges is a game changer.
Generosity
A natural progression from ‘empathy’ is the ability to act on it. If I have extra of something a collaborator needs — time, design skill, funding — I am happy to share, especially if I trust they will reciprocate. I really value those contacts that say “here is my goal and here is my budget; what can you do with that?” when they have extra resources at the end of the year — and those are often the first projects we think of to feature to our audience or connect with other collaborators.
Curiosity
Approaching a problem from a place of curiosity inevitably creates a better result than coming at it by placing blame. It creates more options for outcomes, which improves the odds that you’ll find the right one. When something isn’t coming together, I greatly prefer to work collaboratively. Picture saying “we’re having a hard time getting your constituents to participate in focus groups” and hearing “what if we tried using art as a medium?” “what if we conducted more individual interviews?” “what if we included more open-ended questions in the survey tool?” instead of hearing that you should be working harder.
In all of the workplaces where I felt demoralized and unproductive, it’s been because of a lack of trust on everyone’s part. I have tried to act according to these values whenever possible, but it’s a two-way street. In an intergenerational collaboration, everyone has to work hard to build trust instead of using expertise or experience to create a deferential, one-sided, authority-based relationship that can never be collaborative.
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Woodbury, B. (2023) “BUILDING TRUST: Qualities of a Trusting Relationship” Creative Generation.